This was the start of sharing my message, being authentic, and the journey toward finding myself. I'm still on the journey, but thought it was important to document the start of it here as well. Four Seas would have never came to be had I not gone through this experience. For the first time, I decided to share the "real" me on Facebook. I'm a very private person and this was wildly out of my comfort zone.
Timing: February 2021
Posted on my personal Facebook.
I've had an internal struggle on whether to talk about this on a social platform or not. I am scared of the judgement that may accompany it. But, in an effort to be my most authentic self, I decided it's time to share.
2020 was an interesting year for us all. I have battled with anxiety and depression on and off for awhile. Anxiety more often, but depression is always eager to make its unwelcome appearance. During covid, we've erred on the side of extreme caution and rarely leave the house or see anybody. We try to stay optimistic and positive for the kids. We get them into nature as much as possible. I still struggled.
Koko was worried I was sliding into an unhealthy fear of leaving the house.
I can count on one hand the number of times I've been in a store since this all started. We've had little to no work for our photography business and have struggled at many times during this to make ends meet. I ended up with kidney stones in the late summer/fall of 2020. It was a month from the start of my symptoms until I passed them. My anxiety during that time got the best of me. Before we knew it was kidney stones I had worked myself into a panic that something was really wrong. After speaking to my doctor, she advised me to start seeing a therapist to help with my anxiety. Soon after, I was prescribed a medical marijuana card. I typically wont take pills because of the negative side effects and convince myself that I'm having some kind of reaction.
Therapy has been a game changer.
I didn't tell ANYBODY that I had started therapy. I felt like it would be seen as a negative thing or that I'm being overly dramatic.
My MMJ card has also been a game changer and another thing I wasn't going to tell anybody because of the negative stigmas surrounding it.
But the changes I've experienced have been too positive for me to stay quiet about it. I'm still in control but my worries and anxiety have taken a back seat. There are still times I struggle with anxiety, but not like I used to. I have learned to manage it with the help of therapy and MMJ. I have started doing yoga on a regular basis and practiced meditating. If you have any questions about my journey with this, please don't hesitate to reach out to me here or in a private message. ♡♡
Timing: August 2021
I have continued making progress and battling my demons. I have had highs and lows. I have gone to dark places that I wasn't sure I was going to be able to crawl back out of. It was in those places that I grew. I found forgiveness. I found gratitude.
I have found that I no longer have to silence myself for the comfort of everyone else.
I am trying to find worthiness. I am trying to find kindness toward myself. I am working on self love. I am becoming a better mom. Four Seas has been my creative outlet. It has been my peace. It has been my chaos. It will continue to grow with me and take me places my soul needs. ♡♡