August 21, 2021

The Year Long Challenge

Personal Posts, Mental Health, Cannabis Industry

Let's talk blogging for a sec.

August must regularly be a transformative month for me. Looking back at previous blogs (that never amounted to much), I tend to get inspired around August and ALWAYS say, "Okay, this time I'm really going to commit to blogging regularly!" I'm eager and enthusiastic, then of course, life happens. I fall off the blogging wagon and don't even realize it until the chaos of "photography season" slows to a screeching halt. I tend to build blogging up in my head. I overthink it and never know what to write, or when I do, I decide that it's not good enough to post.

Well, it's August, so I might as well say it. I'm going to commit to blogging!

Haha, actually, we'll see. I do want to be more intentional with my life. I've touched upon it in the mental health blog a few days ago. I'm on a journey to live happier, more intentionally, and just to be better all the way around. I do love looking back and seeing growth and laughing at myself for thinking that *insert struggle here* was going to be the one that "broke" me. Transformation is hard. Doing things that are out of your comfort zone are hard. Being better is hard. I invite you to follow along with us.

We're talking transformation, so naturally, butterflies are perfect here:) Super cute trays and jars by Cannababe & Co. Find her on Insta:)

A month ago, I don't think I would have believed my entire schedule would be flipped on it's head.

I mean, it should have been obvious, sure. But I don't usually think ahead unless it's anxiety driven and it's giving me the worst case scenario for any given situation. A month ago, my routine was laughable. We would often say that we needed to get up earlier and be more productive. I was unhealthy mentally and physically. I couldn't bring myself to be better. My mind was never really "in it" even if I would try to convince myself that this is what I wanted. Then the kids started school and Micah started Pre-K. 1-2am mornings weren't going to cut it anymore. We were thrust into a routine. Then, thankfully, we started being intentional again. We started re-evaluating our businesses. We started making game plans. We started listing things that no longer served us. We decided to "let go" of our car, and by let go, I mean it was nearly at the point of getting repo'd, so we opted for a voluntary surrender. Not my proudest moment, but hey, it's life. Honestly it was a huge burden that was taken off our plate. We were struggling to keep our head above water.

I struggle with worthiness.

Here it goes, I run a business and I'm terrible at it. Okay, I'm being a little dramatic, I'm terrible at one part - money. Haha, like literally the most important part. I'm only just now seeing it after a ton of reflection and financial struggle. I worry constantly that I'm not good enough. I take money from us regularly because my mind convinces me that I should give discounts or do free work so I can manage expectations, or to be nice, or in hopes that it will lead to paid work eventually. I have an uncomfortable relationship with money. I have a hard time accepting that THIS is my job because I love it and since I love it and enjoy it, I shouldn't make money from it. It's something I'm working on. I want to be better. I want to show gratitude and accept, happily, when people hire us. I want to feel worthy.

Why am I telling you this?

Because it's part of our story and from my experience, it's nice to know we're not alone. We are going to build and be successful one day. We are going to help others build and be successful, too. That's part of our mission and our goals. I love that I can help our clients raise their brands through our product photography. I love that I can give our clients photos of their family that are more than just smile and say cheese. I love that I can help others with their curiosity with cannabis and be a safe space to talk and learn about it.

But, I also want to help others to not give up. I want to help others see their worth since I know first hand how hard it is to break through that hurdle.

I want to be honest and show you my struggle and how I'm working to build and be better. If I can start this, you can too. I'm challenging myself, initially, for a year of being intentional with hopes that it will continue to build and morph into what it needs to be. I will be intentional about blogging daily as a way to help me grow. I will set goals and likely fail a few times, and then set more. I will share my journey to hopefully help you on yours.♡♡